She doesn’t like being a woman… (and who can blame her)


She doesn’t like being a woman… (and who can blame her)

Natasha feels judged and disrespected. Unhappy being female in today’s society.

If she expresses her femininity she feels ‘treated like an object’.

At 23 this young lady feels distant from her own feminine essence — and she wonders if things would be better as a man…

If only she knew…

My world as a man is also stuck in a space of stereotyped judgments and emotional restriction.

Among other men, a man maintains a poised air of readiness or competitiveness. It’s ever present in male dialogue, even among most friends. Male psychology is always inquiring, seeking, questioning, judging. Unless the man has completely given up his personal-power and instead become a pot-smoking computer-gaming wimp.


If a man finds clarity of conviction with a lightness of being and becomes easy to express love as the simplest most natural thing in the world… then women are skeptical… so he learns to cover up his emotional availability — returning to the familiar world of masculine bravado.

Then women complain about men’s emotional unavailability!

What have we done to ourselves!!

How do we re-discover our natural liberated sense of life and our truest self expression, without the gut wrenching struggle to conform with cultural standards or social judgements?

Re-Discovering Our Liberated Authenticity

Courage is a part of it.

Accepting moments of embarrassment when we stand out from the crowd is part of it.

Strengthening our resolve to express our authenticity is part of it.

And in our relationships we seek the other part… 

A partnership that lets us be more free to find and express our deepest selves than we can accomplish by being single and alone.


A loving partner who helps us explore and fulfill our curiosities, interests, ambitions and purpose.

THAT is what we SHOULD mean by ‘unconditional love’…

To love one another so freely that we are willing to ‘lose’ that person in pursuing his or her hearts true calling for transformation — if it happens to lean in a direction so different to our own.

That’s not relationship failure. That’s relationship success!

Yet the trouble with most relationships is when partners push each other into rigid roles, seeking security with superficial expectations of ‘loyalty forever’, suffocating our self-identity, rather than enhancing it.

‘Relationship’ and ‘Love’ become tools of manipulation and control rather than experiences of relating to similarities, empathizing with differences and truly feeling goodwill towards the uniqueness of each others individual identities.

Instead, we suffer from judgements, restrictions, expectations, insecurities, and sacrifices.

My insightful young friend suggested there should be a 3rd gender that we get to choose. Not male or female — not transvestite cross-dresser either!

Perhaps what she is searching for might best be described as androgyny.

Seeking Androgyny?

Which doesn’t mean having both male and female sex organs.

It’s a union of the masculine and feminine principles or energies.

* When men can heartily express their feminine softness and deep soulful need for compassion, connection, and sweet surrender.

* When women can express strong gutsy drive, physical desire, frank opinions, and clear courage.

A recognition of our capacities for all forms of energy, attitude and experience.


Her current view of not wanting to be a woman due to the pressure of restrictive cultural attitudes… while thinking that being a man would be any easier or better… becomes an evasion, an escape, a rejection of reality.

My friend must find her authentic voice, self-fulfillment and authentic expression as the form she has. Through her femininity.

By eliminating concern for social convention she can become free to truly be a woman in her fullness — including energies that we relate to as masculine and feminine.

And that is a central value of… dare I say ‘metaphysical function’… of nurturing conscious relationships.

Yin and Yang that swirl together.

Two sides of the same coin.

The beauty of authentic intimacy comes from allowing both partners to push their limits and enjoy each others polar opposite energies, while playing with the mixtures.

Yes we can find ways to ‘change roles’ and play with a free flow of moment-to-moment experience, expression and experiment.

The point is that we should be free to express as we wish, within the authenticity of our essential nature and individual inclinations.

To own our most authentic self and power without worry of external judgement.

To have deep intimate connection that lets us push the boundaries and experience a union of polar opposites.

To find similarity in difference…

To abandon all these words and just feeeel what’s right for ourselves within the dynamic and flow of rhythmic, respectful, empathic relationship.

Freedom to experience and express moving, shifting, swirling moods and modes of being so that we find our best internal balance for maximum authenticity.

Fully owning the self through the deepest symbiotic sharing with a partner.

To be that vehicle for our own individuality and to share that self expression with a co-conspirator who ‘gets’ us and lets us be true to our fullest self.

This I believe is the goal of intimacy.

Shared Union Through Self-Identity

Then my young friend would feel grounded in her body and spirit as a woman. Whole. Powerful. Protected. Open to express her many sides.

Union of our multi-faceted self, made possible through relation with others — especially with our most authentically intimate lovers.

Because it turns out, we can not be individually whole without the synergy that comes from relation with a partner.

Not because they ‘complete’ us. But because they give us more space to ‘be’ than we can create for ourselves alone.

Maximum authenticity through deep intimacy.

Man and woman relating… and in a sense, unifying, through our genuine similarities and differences.

Putting the social attitudes of gender roles, stigmas and prejudice aside, we do discover essential differences:

* Woman’s body reflects the manifestation of ‘feminine’ energy: the womb of life and of sexual receptivity. Open. Nurturing. Loving. Vulnerability. Surrender.

* Man’s body reflects the manifestation of ‘masculine’ energy: the forward movement of penetrative power and gutsy determination. Strong. Focused. Directed. Commanding.

Ancient Chinese philosophy put it this way:

“The Heart is the Emperor. The Gut is the General.”

Through fear, confusion and disconnection the General (masculine energy) has run amok throughout human history.

We’ve lost connection with our greatest hearts yearning for compassion (feminine energy).

Women have been suppressed and denied their rightful position as Emperor (or should I say Empress).

Our world has suffered without seeking and honoring guidance from the feminine heart.

This world of aggression, competition, and war is our result…

In that sense, I have become a feminist.

I believe the world desperately needs the rise of the female energy, heart power, the rightful Empress to influence the gutsy builders of technology, economy and social structure towards a new form of prosperity based on loving harmony.

Our reward just might be eternal romantic bliss for all.


The time for authentic intimacy is NOW.

I sense a new world rising.

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