Heart Break Poem

I just lost my dream,
My body shivers through emotional pain.

I opened my heart,
I tried to connect,
but what in the end did I gain?

A careful attempt at openness and care,
Treading cautiously forwards,
Into the mist of uncertain relation.

The risk of trusting,
Natures lusting.
Little by little,
My soul laid bare.

And then a breach!
Unintentional but clear.

My face now forlorn,
My pupils in shocked dilation.

It feels such a burdensome shame.
Is all that’s left just a game of blame?

Yet regardless of reason,
Theres no doubt in my mind,
That despite a repeat of this pain…

…As they say,
It is blind!

I will… love… again.

Perhaps even her.
If we can fix our mis-communication…

But not today,
I am broken,
and in pain.

27th January 2013

Tantra, Chi Energy, Sex and the Tao (in London UK)

Have you ever experienced energetic waves streaming up your spine, washing over your head, and tingling through your hands?

In my early years, it happened often, whenever I felt a strong sense of wonder… insight… or eroticism.

The sensation is that of a mix between goose bumps, sexual tingles, a rolling peaceful massage, and putting your fingers in an electric socket.

I assume you know the kind of overall experience I mean.

Well, little did I realise until recently that what I was tapping in to, was the movement of Chi energy, otherwise known as Prana (Sanskrit for ‘vital life’) or ‘life force’ energy.

And I have always been somewhat interested in things like the Kama Sutra, or Kundalini Yoga, or Tantric Sex, but until the actual physical evidence, it just seems like fanciful artistic excuse for yogic meditation or sexual foreplay.

Nothing necessarily wrong with either, but there’s something more going on here…

I never connected the dots between my experience and the eastern philosophies of chi energy cultivation, until I started to practice according to the teachings of Mantak Chia.

Mantak Chia: Tantric Cultivation for Pleasure and Health

I consider Mantak Chia to be one of my real teachers, as his books actually encouraged me enough to dedicate myself to practice, of literally circulating the life force energy up my spine and around my head, and own the front of my body (in what is called the Micro cosmic orbit).

It doesn’t take much practice to create clear proof of a real effect.

For men, it begins in the balls. (Of course, right?)

Tantric Breathing Exercise

The first exercise I learned from Mantak Chia is something like this:

Sit with loose pants on the edge of a chair. While breathing in, focus the mind on a sensation of inflowing energy into the scrotum. Each inhalation draws more energy into that area and it begins to rise. Within a short space of time I felt a very cold energy collecting there, and I could then gradually draw it up into the lower spinal area.

Since then I have endeavoured to ‘cultivate’ this chi energy, by circulating up the spine, around the head, and down my front, collecting it in my navel area.

Chi energy draws from the intent of the mind (crown chakra) through the lower chakras of the body and circulates it for health, vitality and pleasure throughout the body.

The process is similar for women and explained in great detail by the master of Tantra and Taosim, Mantak Chia. His books are highly recommended, including:

But don’t just read about it, for Tantra and Tao are bodily experiences.

Note: The crown chakra is not ‘beyond’ or ‘above’ the body in terms of importance.  The root and sacral chakras are just as much related to higher spirituality as the crown chakra. Be careful about who you listen to. Most of so called new-age spirituality that’s flung about on the net is extremely unbalanced and will do nothing more than fool you into thinking you’re progressing while actually wasting your precious time and leading you down dead ends.

As Mantak says in the video interview I’ve posted below:

“People want to connect to the heaven but they forget about the Earth. If you don’t have the positive and the negative live wiring, you don’t get electricity. You need to connect with both.”

Another teacher I recommend very much for learning Tantra and Tao is David Deida.

David Deida: Enlightened Sexuality

In the video playlist below you’ll find the start of his lecture series freely available on YouTube.  I highly recommend his audio program called Enlightened Sex which clarifies the dynamic of masculine and feminine energies to help understand the differences between men and women in relationships and thus how to better relate and communicate. And also his excellent book Way of the Superior Man.

Practicing the Tao in London UK

I’m currently living in London UK so I’m getting involved with the Tao and Tantra communities here. Mantak Chia has a centre in London at www.healing-tao.co.uk which is managed by Kris Deva North (also a brilliant Tantra and Taoist teacher). There are various groups on meetup.com. And others such as Tara Yoga Centre. Let me know if you’re in London and interested in getting involved.

Tantra and Tao videos

Here are a few videos to introduce you to these teachers and practices…

John Gray – Mars on Fire, Venus on Ice

Wow, I’m very impressed with John Gray…


I remember John Gray’s original best seller being on my parents book shelf: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.

The past couple days I’ve listened to a recorded seminar with John speaking for several hours in depth about not just the ‘soft’ stuff about relationships, but also some incredibly detailed physiological insights behind how  relationships work… or fail.

For instance, in my message to a friend:

I’m listening to a relationships seminar with John Gray.

He explains that women need Oxytocin to feel relaxed (no stress), and Oxytocin is produced by them talking (explains a fair bit already!)

But if they’re stressed they can get stubborn or confused and unable to open up to talk…

…So, one ‘solution’ is to give them a massage, or to show appreciation, both of which Gray explains helps the release of Oxytocin…

…or perhaps just leave them alone for a while (well I think I’m adding to what John Gray said actually…)

Gray talks of cortisol which is a stress hormone which effects lots of women [in today’s rushed world] and is stimulated by testosterone… which the body produces when we achieve success! (good for a man but not so good for a woman’s emotional balance)

So women who are in high-pressure business that achieve regular big successes are actually releasing Testosterone into their system which stimulates their Cortisol stress hormone which supresses their Oxytocin relaxed hormone… Which makes them more prone to being irritable.

Something like that.

Interesting right?

That’s just one insight that I picked up from listening to the full recorded seminar.

John’s seminar is all about understanding the different dynamics that men and women are in so that we can better relate to each other and also manage ourselves and relationships more effectively.

It’s available inside the Global Information Network (GIN) members area for immediate download.

Of GIN Founder Kevin Trudeau, John Gray says this:

I highly, highly honour and respect the huge courage and sacrifices Kevin Trudeau has made going against the system to bring to all of us the wisdom that is in Natural Cures – John Gray

PS. GIN membership comes with full life-time membership to Natural Cures. Highly, highly recommended!

What is Love? (Ego, Unconditional Love and a Hearty Debate)

Love means ‘having good will towards’.

That is the most integrated definition of love that I have discovered so far.

Aristotle and then St. Thomas Aquinas put it like this: love means “to will the good of another.”

Not bad, although that’s a bit too clinical and impersonal. Love is more than a sense of willing good things for someone, it’s actually having good will towards them. It’s an emotion after all. A feeling of good will.

And jack that up a few notches and we arrive at the levels of love experienced in close relationships, whether it be eros (romantic love) or philia (platonic friendship love).

Eros and Philia are 2 of the 4 types of love identified in ancient Greece.

The other 2 are Agape (total general love) and Storge (natural affection as a parent for their child).

But the essence of them all is ‘having good will towards’.

And perhaps you can easily see that this understanding of love permits an entire spectrum of polarity for experiencing love.

I may have good will for the strangers that pass me by (more like the Greek Storge) love of natural affection for my fellow beings, but I’m not bent out of shape about that degree of love.

Ancient hebrew reveals good insight by breaking the hebrew word for love (ahava) into its components which means ‘to give’.

But to give what?

The answer is giving good will.

Hence again: having good will towards something/someone is the essence of love.

Love isn’t unconditional either:

“Unconditional love” is the limited condition of love that mistakenly forgives the crime while the crime is ongoing.  Thus it is the opposite of love, because it unconditionally encourages continued unloving behaviour. – Meru Fondation

Let’s move on…

Mistakes with Eastern Philosophy of Love

Eastern philosophy guru’s stuck too far in their yin define love as ‘oneness’.

Probably because they are caught up with an inability to understand the yang of ego.

Speaking on ‘ego’, Osho writes in his book Sex Matters:

“..as long as I am ‘I”, the world around is the ‘other’, separate and apart. And as long as there is separateness there can be no experience of love. Love is the experience of oneness.

Love is the experience when the wall has fallen down and the two energies have met in oneness, have united. Love is the experience when the walls between two people have crumbled down and their beings have met, united, and become one. When this experience happens between two individuals, I call it love. When this same experience happens between an individual and the whole, I call that experience godliness.”

Well I don’t call that love or godliness. I’m very impressed with most of Osho’s work that I’ve seen. I think he’s great at breaking boundaries. But what he describes here is loss of self or a narrow view of unity.

Love as ‘oneness’? Ego as ‘separateness’? Ego thus as opposed to ‘love’?

Sheesh people…

Unity means that in some way in some experience you recognise some kind of unity or ‘oneness’. A couple makes a relationship. The relationship is the unity. A couple has sex. Sex is a unification. But come on now, there are still 2 separate individual people (referring to your average relationship or sexual experience that is)…

Consider the yin yang dynamics. They are necessary energies in co-creation and life experience. They also represent the left-brain and right-brain hemispheres.

Separateness is a vital component of our nature and of the creative / sexual energies of the universe… and in harmonious relationships.

The goal is to reach harmony within diversity. To recognise and relish in the polar energies. Not to unify as some kind of abstract ‘oneness’.

Love is not oneness. To be identified with oneness is more akin to ‘ego’ because to be one with something means to identify with it.. to experience it as the same, as you. Doesn’t that speak to ‘ego’? Of course.

  • Real Ego is about sense of self.
  • Oneness suggests togetherness, bound by a common principle, theme or experience…

That’s not what ‘love’ means and infact conflicts with it.

Romantic love comes from the good will between polar energies, yin and yang, masculine and feminine.

Being compelled towards something that has similarities to you but is not ‘you’, yet compliments you. Like a magnet, opposite poles attract.

The stronger is your feeling of ‘good will towards’ your romantic partner… the further along the polarity of good will… means the stronger experience of love. Just the same as with any type of love, i.e. philos (of friendship) or agape (of all things).

  • Good will is the essence of love.
  • Oneness is the essence of ego. I.e. Identity. To see one’s self as the same as something else.

And we all know it takes two to Tango…

We often don’t feel good will towards someone unless there is a sharing of similarities. But there are necessary differences too.

Love requires:

  • the identity of separation because we are separate individuals with different needs, capacities and focuses
  • combined with the experience of oneness of certain similarities, shared values, shared experience, shared energies

When complete ‘oneness’ is seen as the height of love and the goal, relationship problems will erupt.

Relationships must honour differences.

Indeed, the yin yang contrast is the spice of co-creation and polar (magnetic) attraction.

“Love is the absence of Anxiety.” ? Wilhelm Reich

Some notes from a conversation on Love:

He said:

…support from the very person that said * I love you *….if we as productive creatures…. are constantly battered by criticism and plain old rejection and fear…. we are on our own….and i make this realization

Gav:

do you think love is automatic, eternal and unconditional?

He said:

Yes
not automatic…..but love exists like gravity….it is always present

Gav:

are you feeling love right now?

He said:

In my heart……and in my soul….love is there….right now……I have not been loving….so I am not feeling it NO
I am lost

Gav:

so is love automatic, eternal and unconditional?

He said:

No
my heart just skipped a beat

Notes from another conversation on Love

She said:

Love is a 4 letter word that cannot be separated. Love is free, for LOVE to be defined keeps it confined. That confinement cause fears and result in tears. ? !!!!!

I was given a homework by a friend, to define “unconditional love, conditional love, romantic love” and I just couldn’t do it. Something inside me refuse to separate and define love. So I’m sitting here and I started writing…. and that’s what I came up with.

I am not defining LOVE and whoever asks me to do it shall get a hug. **Gav…. I owe you a hug 🙂 ? haha

I replied:

Ok. Bottom Line. Unconditional Love does not exist, can not exist, never has existed and never will. When we can accept that there are conditions of love, then more of us will be able to define, own and experience real love. That’s from my heart. Hug.

Her:

Love has no expectations… days like these… I wish I were in the company of Socrates, Plato, Rumi, Yogananda, Krishnamurti, Jesus…. but, Gav and Adam is just as good ?

Gav:

Gav is better than those other folks, he just might not speak so eloquently or with so much fluff but he has the sweeping integrations of history. (Side note: Krishnamurti… I was not impressed with. Gurdjieff resonates for me much more.)

Love has no expectations, agreed.
Expectations is irrelevant to Love.
When thinking about love, why think of expectations?
Only because of undeveloped ego. We all have that problem.

Love means good will. Nothing more nothing less. The degree of good will for a particular person is the degree of love for that person in that moment.

However, relationships can and do have expectations.

Her:

I agree with good will, but u mentioned that there is such thing as conditional love. Conditions = expectations.

Gav:

I can have love (good will) towards something or someone without having expectations of them.
Conditions are not necessarily expectations.
That’s too complex for a quick Facebook chat I realise.

Her:

LOVE is a big topic… it can’t be defined, it can’t be expected… it can’t be proven.
Just shown, shared… through respect and understanding…

Gav:

Conditions must exist to experience good will towards something or someone.
It doesn’t mean I have expectations of that thing or person.

Her:

no, haha, apparently LOVE is the TOPIC of this lifetime.
So…. we can talk about it our whole entire lives.
You give it your own meaning. ya know?!

Gav

It can not be defined?
And yes it can be expected.
The proof is in your personal experience.

I have an expectation of good will (love) from various people that I have different types of relationship with.

Sometimes it doesn’t work out. Sometimes it doesn’t have the form I want or expect, but that’s still a narrow view of the nature of good will. We all have distractions, challenges etc.

But I can still have an expectation of good will from various people just as I have the expectation of the sun rise on the morrow.

So final point for now perhaps…

Love is not defined by expectations.
But relationships with people do include expectations.
Everything has conditions.

<h3>One Final Quote of Osho on Love</h3>

Life is a continuous flux; everything is changing, moving. Nothing is static, nothing is permanent. You have been given the idea of a permanent love which is going to destroy your whole life!! You can have plastic flowers; that’s what ppl have, marriage, their family, their children, their relatives, everything is plastic.
Plastic has one very spiritual thing: it is permanent. REAL LOVE is as uncertain as your life is uncertain. You can not say you will be here tomorrow. Your life is continuously changing….REAL LOVE will also change. – Osho

I agree.

Rather than accept the conditions of good will that may change, they hope for some eternal experience without the responsibility of conditions that in one moment may exist and in another may change.

Even plastic can be transformed.

Love is a dynamic process in ‘continuous flux’ just as is Life as Osho identifies.

Of course, that does not change the nature of love any more than it changes the nature of life, or plastic.

Love is the experience of good will that depends on many things.

Share your thoughts on love in the comments below…

Check out the Romantic Love page

Sex Energy Transmutation

We might also consider (following this post on the 6th Movement of Productivity)…

…the insights of Napoleon Hill on The Mystery of Sex Transmutation (as reminded to me by my friend and qualified motivational coach Marcos Mendosa)…

“The desire for sexual expression is by far the strongest and most impelling of all the human emotions, and for this very reason this desire, when harnessed and transmuted into action, other than that of physical expression, may raise one to the status of a genius.

One of America’s most able business men frankly admitted that his attractive secretary was responsible for most of the plans he created. He admitted that her presence lifted him to heights of creative imagination, such as he could experience under no other stimulus..”
– Napoleon Hill

And also the work of Wilhelm Reich on Orgone Sex Energy.

His idea was that the orgasm was not simply a device to aid recreation, but was the body’s emotional energy regulator. The better the orgasm, the more energy was released, meaning that less was available to create neurotic states. Reich called the ability to release sufficient energy during orgasm “orgastic potency,” something that very few individuals could achieve, he argued, because of society’s sexual oppression.

And the incredible and highly recommended writings of David Deida:

Your life feels smaller than you know it could be. Why? Part of the reason is your fear of unashamed pleasure. This fear curtails your whole-bodied flow of life’s force that you can enjoy all by yourself.

…Either you have no limits whatsoever to the pleasure you allow your body to flow with, or you are harbouring fear. Pleasure is energy. And energy is the movement of love.


Read more on Love and Romance or check out the Sex, Tantra and Enlightenment page.

Love and Romance

The spark of excitement between man and woman is quite possibly the most powerful force in the universe…

In this section, let’s consider approaches to romance, attracting worthy partners and maintaining that spark for however long it serves your happiness.

Here’s a prayer leading to a toy…

A woman’s wish?..

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who’s not a creep.
One who’s handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long.
One who thinks before he speaks.
One who’ll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he’s gainfully employed.
When I spend his cash, won’t be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door.
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who’ll make love to my mind.
Knows what to answer to how big is my behind?
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.

See below for the toy and other info…

Love and Romance Resources

Way of the Superior Man

Notes from the book Way of the Superior Man by David Deida

Here’s my summation for a new preface: Stop waiting. Feel everything. Love achingly. Give impeccably. Let go.

This man is unabashedly masculine – he is purposeful, confident and directed, living his chosen way of life with deep integrity and humor — and he is sensitive, spontaneous, and spiritually alive, with a heart-commitment to discovering and living his deepest truth.

Bound neither by outer convention nor inner cowardice.

Many of today’s men have become whimps, too weak and ambiguous to really trust.

Sexual attraction is based on sexual polarity – the passion that arcs between masculine and feminine poles. All natural forces flow between two poles.

If you want real passion, you need a ravisher and a ravishee; otherwise, you just have two buddies who decide to rub genitals in bed.

You always attract your sexual reciprocal.

If you have a more feminine sexual essence, your professional life may be incredibly successful, but your core won’t be fulfilled unless love is flowing fully in your family or intimate life. The mission or the search for freedom is the priority for the masculine, where as the search for love is the priority of the feminine. Sports are all about achieving freedom.

The masculine wants to feel the bliss of a life lived at the edge, and if he doesn’t have the balls to do it himself, he’ll watch it on TV, in sporting events and cop shows.

Live is openness, through and through. And true spirituality is the practice of love, the practice of openness.

A heterosexual man with a true masculine sexual essence, then you will be more or less constantly sexually attracted to feminine women you see all day, at the workplace and on the street. To married women as well as teenage girls. AS long as they shine the feminine light, you will feel the pull.

If you have a masculine sexual essence then you would probably admin, if you were being honest, that you intimate relationship is just not as important to you as the mission in your life — but you still want a full and energetic intimate relationship, perhaps quite badly. How do you deal with this often misunderstood dilemma?

Chapter 1 Stop hoping for a completion of anything in life

Most men make the error of thinking that one day it will be done. They think, if I can work enough, then one day I can rest.

Don’t wait any longer. Spend at least one hour a day doing whatever you simply love to do – what you deeply feel you need to do, in your heart — in spit of the daily duties that seem to constrain you.

Most postponements are excuses for a lack of creative discipline.

Each wasted moment degrades your clarity of purpose.

2 Live with an open heart even if it hurts

Closing down in the midst of pain is a denial of a man’s true nature. A superior man is free in feeling and action, even amidst great pain and hurt. If necessary, a man should live with a hurting heart rather than a closed one. He should learn to stay in the wound of pain and act with spontaneous skill and love even from that place.

Difficult to look into someone’s eyes.. Unskillful reaction to hurt.

Softening your chest and belly, wide and free. Look directly into the eyes of whomever you are with, feeling your own pain as well as feeling other person. Only when the front of your body is relaxed and opened, your breadth full and deep, and your gaze unguarded and directly connected with another persons eyes, can your fullest intelligence manifest spontaneously in the situation.

You must feel the entire situation with your whole body.

3. Live as if your father were dead

4. Know your feel edge and dont fake it

Nor should he stop sort of his actual edge. Authentic and fully present.

Where do you fears stop you? Absolutely fearless. Your edge is where you stop short, or where you compromise your fullest gift, and instead, cater to your fears.

All men are are afraid, unless they are perfectly free.

Secure and comfortable, but dead. Describe our edge. Honor your edge. Leans into his fear, living at this edge. A free man is free to acknowledge his fears, without hiding them, or hiding from the. Live with your lips presssed against your fears, kissing your fears, neither puling back nor aggressively violating them.

5 Always hold to your deepest realisation

Eternity must be a man’s home, moment by moment. Without it, he is lost, always striving, graspingh at puffs of smoke. A man must do anything necessary to glimpse, and then stabilise, this ever fresh realisation, and organise his life around it.

Make your life an ongoing process of being who you are, at your deepest, most easeful levels of being. Everything other than this process is secondary.

6 Never change your mind just to please a woman

If a woman suggests something that changes a man’s perspective, then he should make a new decision based on his new perspective. But he should never betray his own deepest knowledge and intuition in order to please his woman or go along with her. Both she and he will be weakened by such as action. They will grow to resenty each other, and the crust of accumulated inauthenticity will burden their love, as well as their capacity for free action.

7 Your purpose must come before your relationship

Your mission is your priority.

Tell her that you will spend some specific time with her in absolute attention and total presence, then you must return to carry on your mission.

8 Lean just beyond your edge

Just slightly beyond the edge of fear and discomfort. Constantly. In everything he does.

Fear needs to become your friend, so that you are no longer uncomfortable with it.

A state of alive and humble spontaneity.

Without trying to escape the feeling of fear itself.

9 Do it for love

And just as surely, they will tenderly respond to the authenticity of your relaxed ministrations, the freedom expressed in your humor, and the invasion of your adamant love.

No gifts left ungiven. No limit to the depth of being. Only openness, freedom, and love as the legacy of your intercourse with woman and world.

Constant search for release from constraint.

10 Enjoy your friends’ criticism

A man’s capacity to receive another man’s direct criticism is a measure of his capacity to receive masculine energy. If he doesn’t have a good relationship to masculine energy (e.g., his father), then he will act like a woman and be hurt or defensive rather than make use of other men’s criticism.

About once a week, you should sit down with your clsoest men friends and discuss what you are doing in your life and what you are afraid of doing. The conversation should be short and simple. You should state where you are at. Then, your friends should give you a behavioural experiment (often a challenge), something you can do that will reveal something to you, or grant more freedom in your life… to challenge your mediocrity. Good friends should not tolerate mediocrity in one another.

11 If you don’t know your purpose, discover it, now

Everything in your life, from your diet to your career, must be aligned with your purpose if you are to act with coherence and integrity in the world. If you know your purpose, your deepest desire, then the secret of success is to discipline your life so that you support your deepest purpose and minimise distractions and detours.

However, when you know your true purpose, which is your core desire in life, each moment can become a full expression of your core desire.

Such a life is complete unto itself in every instant.

And be vanished in the bliss of the giving.

12 Be willing to change everything in your life

He must be capable of not knowing what to do with his life, entering a period of unwillingness and waiting fora vision or a new form of purpose to emerge. These cycles of strong specific action followed by periods of not knowing what the hell is going on are natural for a man who is shedding layers of karma in his relaxation into truth.

You probably need to burn off the karma, or fulfill the need, of the present purpose by which you are fascinated and distracted.

It’s easy to feel disappointed by life; success is never as fulfilling as you think it is going to be.

Preparation for advancing

Each purpose, each mission, is meant to be fully lived to the point where it becomes empty, boring and useless.

You stay open to a vision of your deeper purpose by not filling your time with distractions. Don’t watch TV or play computer games. Don’t go out drinking beer with your friends every night or start dating a bunch of women. Simply wait.

13 Don’t use your family as an excuse

The priority of the feminine, in men and women, is the flow of love in relationship. The priority of the masculine, in men and women, is the mission which leads to freedom. Ultimately, true freedom and true love are the same. However, the journey of the masculine and feminine to this unity of love and freedom is very different.

If it not the amount of time but the quality of the interaction that most influences a child’s growth.

14 Don’t get lost in tasks and duties

Always refresh the transcendental element of life through regular meditation and retreat.

Reduced yourself to a machine of picayune.

Do you consistently relaxc into the awe of immense mystery? Or, are you so absorbed in your work and projects that you no longer feel the miracle of existence, each moment emerging from and dissolving into the great unknowable?

The investigation, realisation, and embodiment of true freedom.

Whereas many women waste precious time swirling in emotional currents and eddies, many men waste their birth seeking the completion of tasks.

Interrupt your schedule with refreshers. These refreshers should cut to your core and strip the fat off the moment. Consier yor own death. Behold an image of the most enlightened being you know. Contemplate the mystery of existence. Relax into the deepest and most profound loving of which you are capable. In your own way, remember the infinite, and then return to the task at hand.

15 Stop hoping for your woman to get easier

Seems to test her man’s capacity to remain unperturbed in his truth and purpose. She tests him to feel his freedom and depth of love, to know that he is trustable.

Her test may come in the form of complaining, challenging him, changing her mind, doubting him, distracting him, or even undermining his purpose in a subtle or not so subtle way. A man should never thin his woman’s testing is going to end and his life will get easier. Rather, he should appreciate that she does these things to feel his strength, integrity, and openness. Her desire is for his deepest truth and love. As he grows, so will her testing.

Every moment of your life is either a test or a celebration.

One of her deepest pleasures in intimacy is testing you, and then feeling you are not moved off course by her challenge.

The most erotic moment for a woman is feeling that you are Shiva, the divine masculine; unperturbable, totally loving, fully present, and all pervading. She cannot move you, because you already are what you are, with or without her. She cannot scare you away, because you already penetrate her in fearless love, pervading her heart and body. She cannot distract you, because your one-pointed commitment to truth will not bend to her wiles.

Because your success doesn’t mean shit to her, unless you are free and loving.

She won’t tolerate your childish needs for a pat on the head, collecting bigger toys, and being king of the mountain. A good woman will love the childlike part of you, but she wants your life to be guided by your deepest truths, not your untended childhood wounds.

You have demonstrated your depenndence on her for external validation.

You don’t need her validation in order for you to be loving. You simply are loving.

Her complaint is the beginning of her pleasure.

Part 2 – Dealing with women

16 Women are not liars

The masculine means what it says. A woman’s word is her true expression in the moment.

This is why a man must ultimately be responsible for making his own decisions, based on the deepest truth he can fathom. Otherwise, if he bends his course of truth to compromise for his woman’s current and changing expressions, she will probably end up blaming her.

This way, if your woman subsequently changes her mind, you won’t resent her for comprimsing your path.

17 Praise her

The masculine grows by challenge. The feminine grows by praise

Only the masculine side of your woman will grow through challenge. The feminine side thrives on support and praise.

Always better to call the glass half full than half empty.

To a woman – Priase works. Information doesn’t. Praise motivates. Challenge doesn’t.

18 Tolerating her leads to resenting her

Most men can end up feeling burdened by your woman’s mood. You can only develop your skill in serving your woman in openness.

Don’t tolerate her mood. And don’t talk about it with her participate in it. Bloom her into fullness. Move her body with your body. Open her heart with your humor. Penetrate her closure with your fearless presence. Open her heart, again and again and again.

19 Don’t analyse your woman

There is no problem, only a storm, a breeze, a sudden change in weather.

The next time your woman is in a bad mood, truth this: Assume she is not feeling loved. Simple assume it, even if it seems that it can’t be that simple, that there must be some underlying reasons for her upsetness, a reason that you could fix. Assume she is more like a flower that needs watering than an engine that needs a carburettor adjustment. Don’t assume anything is wrong at all. Assume that she wants love from you, in a deep, strong, steady, and sensitive way.

20 Don’t suggest that a woman fix her own emotional problem

Her feminine core, which is pure energy in motion, like the ocean.

What she really wants is a man who can figure it out for himself.

So she can be what the feminine is: pure energy.

Like the ocean, to flow with great power and no single direction.

21 Stay with her intensity – to a point

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman’s emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her thorugh the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax.

By standing your ground and loving so strongly that only love prevails.

Only options are fear or mastery

Do whatever it takes to crack the shell of her closure, get your love inside that crack, and touch her heart. Learn to enjoy her anger, her tears, her silent hardness. The world will give you the same at times.

22 Don’t force the feminine to make decisions

Gift of masculine clarity and decisiveness

One of your most valuable gifts is the ability to see all the options and make a decision based on this view of all the potential outcomes.

If she asks you which shoes you think look better on her, make a decision, and tell her.

If you refuse to offer your masculine gift by saying things like “ don’t really care. It’s up to you, then she will have to learn to depend on her own masculine capacity. Another way to say this is that she will begin to trust her own masculine more than yours. Then you will find that she trusts you less and less across the board. She will refuse to surrender to you even sexually, because she hasn’t been able to relax and trust you all day; you haven’t offered her your masculine clarity and perspective, so she has to be her own man and give it to herself.

Part 3 – Working with polarity and energy

23 Your attraction to the feminine is inevitable

Seeing an especially radiant woman can fill your whole day with delight. A wave of refreshment.

Our acceptance of sexual attraction, even with music and places, is at the root of our capacity to experience bodily pleasure.

24 Choose a woman who is your complementary opposite

Although you may love these women and enjoy spending time with them, they don’t arouse your passion as much as the women whose words you wouldn’t trust to remain true for an afternoon, but who move their body in a way that drives you wild.

And the more feminine a woman is at her core, the less she is likely to evidence strong masculine traits, such as speaking clearly and unequivocally about thoughts and desires, rather than primarily expressing her feelings of the moment.

If you are like most men, you have probably minimised your appreciation of the full spectrum of your woman’s feminine energy by numbing yourself to the aspects that most irritate you.

A woman free in her expression of bodily ecstasy is one of the most awesome visions most men have had.

Temple dancers in India forinstance

In fact you can learn to be turned on by her dance of anger as much as by her slinky purr. This capacity is one of your gifts to her. You can learn to stand free and strong no matter what emotion she displays. You won’t leave, turn away, or dissociate in disgust. You can meet her enormous energy and stand full, loving her thorugh the storm, embracing her complete feminine power, dark and light.

25 Know what is important in your woman

When you don’t prioritise the purpose of your relationship, these different energies often cancle eachother out, and you are left with a sexually neutralised alliance.

By constantly talking about finances, work, household, and children, you turn you woman into a neutral companion. You become so familiar with each other that the mystery of sexual enchantment becomes standardised into the ritual mechanics

26 You will often want more than one woman

To live a life of impeccable integrity, you must discriminate the source of your desire, so you know when to discipline your behaviour for everyones benefit, including yours.

Self-discipline is when your highest desires rule your lesser desires, not through resistance, but through loving action grounded in understanding and compassion.

27 Young women offer your a special energy

As women get older, they typically take on more and more masculine tasks and responsibilities in our culture, so their radiance begins to decrease. In other cultures, this is less true. Women maintain and even deepen their radiance. But even in these cultures with more wisdom, it is understood that young women provide a special energy that is fresh, uncompomrised, and enlivening.

Without violating htis honor by imposing your sexual dsire on her.

28 Each woman has a temperature that can heal or irritate you

If you are a particularly easygoing, man, perhaps a man who has differently getting motivated, then a hot woman is probably better for you. Her fiery nature can heat up your system and get you moving. On the other hand, if you tend to be quick tempered and hot yourself, you might find that a more cooling woman heals you and brings a balance to your body and psyche.

Part 4 – What women really want

29 Choose a woman who chooses you

The priority of the masculine core is mission, purpose, or direction in life. The priority of the feminine core is the flow of love in intimacy. If a woman feels your feminine is stronger than hers — if she feels that the intimacy is more important to you than to he — then she will naturally animate her masculine.

30 What she wants is not what she says

Her ultimate desire is to feel your full consciousness, your trustable integrity, your unshakable love, and your confidence in your mission. Yet she will rarely ask you directly for these things.

The divine masculine is consciousness. A superior man practices maintaining full consciousness in all situations.

31 Her complaint is content-free

The thing your woman is complaining about is rarely the thing she is complaining about. It is a mistake to believe the content of what she is saying, and then respond to her complaints, point by point.

You must listen to your woman more as an oracle than as an advisor. She usually is speaking in a very tangential, but revelatory, style. She is revealing your unconscious habits that prevent your fullest awakening in consciousness. Your unconsciousness causes her pain. She won’t say it that way, but that’s what she is indicating.

32 She doesn’t really want to be number one

If a woman has become the point of your life, you are lost.

33 Your excellent track record is meaningless to her

To the feminine, history is irrelevant.

So your mistake is as easily forgotten as your success. As soon as you see she’s upset, immediately assume happiness. Shock her with your love.

Surprise her in some loving way. Restore love and happiness in the present moment, don’t justify your little mistake by referring to your long line of successes.

34 She wants to relax in the demonstration of your direction

What’s important is that you are clear, accountable, and directed from your deepest core of wisdom?

You become more responsible by knowing your deepest purpose, and then arranging your finances and spiritual life from that knowingness. For your woman to relax in her radiance and feminine happiness, she needs to feel that she can get on your train and that it’s going exactly where she wants to go.

Part 5 Your dark side

35 You are always searching for freedom

The essential masculine ecstasy is in the moment of release from constraint. This could occur when facing death and living thorugh it, succeeding in (and thus being released from) your purpose, and in competition (which is ritual threat of death). The masculine is always seekking release from constraint into freedom. The feminine often doesn’t understand these masculine ways and needs.

The post-orgasmic state is one of death-like peace, an emptiness akin to a blissful oblivion. The masculine is always seeking this release in one way or another.

This breakthrough into freedom, however it occurs, is the main motive of the masculine. All masculine goals — at work, on the meditation cushion, or on the football field — are directed towards more freedom.

Orgasm is actually called petite mort or little death in French.

Most sports are ritualised war, but actual war itself resonates with the core of most men. The capacity to face death for the sake of freedom, whether actually in war or ritually on the football field or chess board, is the ultimate masculine act, evolving men’s deepest emotions.

Wiling to face your fears. The attachment to comfort and security is what limits most men in their capacity to make a spiritual touchdown.

Few men ever release themselves enough to relax in this depth of freedom because they are afraid of absolutely no stress.

The highest form of masculine ecstasy: Transcendence of the fear of death by facing the limiting stress of your own self-sense, and relaxing through it, into the absolute freedom you have always intuited at your core, but sought through only temporary means.

The feminine, on the other hand, is not seeking freedom, but love. A woman’s bliss is not in emptiness, but in fullness. Her means is not release, but surrender.

36 Own your darkest desires

The pleasure is in releasing her from all the conventional restraints of her psyche, so she has no choice but to surrender in love.

The essential masculine fear is loss of self — which is also the essential masculine desire.

Feel into her so deeply that you become unaware of yourself and totally aware of her. Feel yourself move into her, your boundaries dissolving so that you become her, utterly aware of her breath, her movements, her emotions.

37 She wants the killer in you

Fearlessness, or the capacity to transcend the fear of death for the sake of love, is a quintessential form of the ultimate masculine gift.

Wrathful goddess who would chop the head off of every mediocre new age man.

Your woman’s desire for our dark side, in love, is a gift to you. But honouring her desire through the cultivation of your dark and fearless loving, your need for self-protection will decrease, and every moment will stand more naked, vulnerable, and true, release of your need for consolation and false self-assurance.

The life is process of dying through to that which cannot be lost.

38 She needs your consciousness to match her energy

A man must be able to meet her woman with consciousness equivalent to her energy

As a general rule, she will keep returning to the energy that you cannot match.

Until your consciousness is able to blossom her beyond her tension, you will be tested.

She wants your consciousness — clear, strong, and free — as much as you want her radiance.

The secret is to match her energy with consciousness demonstrated through your body.

If you are cringing, if your voice is restrained, and you are telling her that you love her, she won’t believe you. If you walk up to her, hold her in your arms, and laugh affectionately in the humour of the moment, she will feel your freedom, if it is for real. She will feel it because it is communicated through your body.

Don’t tell her what to do, but do it with her, with your body.

You need not concern yourself with pleasing her. That’s not the point.

Until your consciousness is unperturbed by feminine challenge.

Part 6 Feminine attractiveness

39 The feminine is abundant

Relax your body and feel the ocean of feminine energy around you. Feel your surroundings as her form, the sounds around you as her moans and laugher, and the light around you as her smile. Actually relax with the moment as you would relax with your love, not metaphorically but literally, bodily, with full intention and presence.

Do the same in the company of human women? Feel them not merely as friends, coworkers, or sisters, but as walking blessings of energy.

So your day becomes a feast of plenty.

40 Allow older women their magic

There should be no such comparison. Each age of woman has its own value, and the transition from superficial shine to deep radiance is inevitable.

41 Turn your lust into gifts

Rather than dispersing this energy in mental fantasy, a man should learn to circulate his heightened energy. He should breathe fully,

In fact, some men would go so far as to say that, if it weren’t for women, they wouldn’t be interested in the world much at all.

Then they seek inspiration again, through more women, or through other feminine sources, such as alcohol, drugs, or nature.

Continually cultivate and magnify your inspiration.

42 Never allow your desire to become suppressed or depolarised

Any woman toward whom a man becomes depolarised will feel his rejection, disgust, and turning away.

You must maintain a certain degree of polarisation or mutual attraction with them.

Your complete withdrawal leaves her barren at her core.

43 Use her attractiveness as a slignshot through appearance

You are deceived by the mirage of your own desire.

Long enough to realixe that you already have what you seek, that what appearances promise is a revelation of your own deep and inherently blissful nature.

Give her so much of what you want from her that you can’t tell who is who, the chaser has become the tail, and all motion stops in the intensity of self-release. There is only one.

Feel through her body when you are having sex with her. Feel through her anger when she is raging at you. Feel through her darkness when she seems ungly. Feel through her beauty when she most attracts you. By feeling through all of her forms, the superior man is not distracted or obsessed. Rather, his attention feels through the mirage of other, and he is released of need in the revelation of oneness.

Sexual union is a fractal.

Part 7 Body practices

44 Ejaculation should be converted or consciously chosen

She knows she can deplete him, weaken him, empty him of life force.

Your lack of desire also applies toward the world. If she can drain you, so can the world.

All emotional resistance comes down to the same thing: a refusal to love.

Without imposing your own needs on her, let your love penetrate to the deep part of her that is totally open to love,.

You’re not going to et list in the self-enclosed spasm of your own pleasuring — she will begin to trust you with her mostvulnerable core.

45 Breathe down the front

The best method is through full and relaxed breathing, drawing energy down the front, and freeing attention from neurotic self-concern.

On your next inhalation, fill your entire body, then your solar plexus and lower chest. Then exhale. Then inhale and fill your belly, solar plexus, and your entire chest, in that order. For several breaths, inhale fully in this way, filling your belly, solar plexus and finally your chest. Then exhale fully, slow and smoothly.

The main way you generate bodily tension is by turning your attention back on yourself in self-concern, curling into yourself

Make love with the world in this way, all day, pervading and dissolving all unease. Feel the world against your body like a naked woman,vulnerable and alive.

46 Ejaculate up the spine

When you notice your face squinching up, relax it. When you notice your breath getting fast and shallow, slow it down and deepen it. When you notice your belly tight and your chest hard open your belly and soften the area around your heart.

Eventually, with practice, you will be able to feel through your partner, as if your partners body where a doorway into vast open space of energy, light, and awareness.

Breathe fully, deeply and with great force, throughout the day. Your inhales should feel like they are drawing energy down the front of your body, filling your belly and genital region. Your exhales should feel like they are moving energy from your pelvic floor, up your spine, into your head.

Part 8 Men’s and women’s yoga of intimacy

47 Take into account the primary asymmetry

He will always gravitate to a woman whom he feels would most support his mission.

Don’t take it. Don’t try to act concerned for the sake of your woman. She can feel where you are really at.

When your life is truly aligned with your highest purpose, you will become more present, more loving, and more humorous.

Your woman will then be the first recipient of your magnified presence, love and humor.

48 You are responsible for the growth in intimacy

Growth of a relationship is primarily the man’s responsibilities. The energy of an intimacy — pleasure, sexual flow, and vitality — is primarily the woman’s responsibility.

Without a woman to serve your present emobiment of love, you might spend most of your time working on your projects, starting into a computer screen, churning thoughts in your head, or seeking future goals of financial or spiritual freedom. Meanwhile, you have lost touch with the present, with your body and your woman.

49 Insist on practise and growth

Your own laziness, addictions, and unclarity. There is nothing to wait for and nobody to blame.

Your success with an method you choose depends entirely on your actual commitment to discovering your deepest truth and alighning your life with it.

50 Restore your purpose in solitude and with other men

A man rediscovers and fine tunes his purpose in solitude, in challenging situations, and in the company of other men who won’t settle for his bullshit. But women strengthen their feminine radiance best in the company of other women in mutual celebration and play. A man must arrange for both forms of restoration: his own solitude and men’s gatherings, and his woman’s time with other women.

Denying your desire to get down to it, with your mission for your woman.

The cure for lack of purpose is to be challenged to live at your edge

Eliminate the comforts and cushions that you have learned to snuggle into and lose wakefulness. Take away anything that dulls your edge.

Reduce working time to a necessary minimum. No conversation that isn’t about truth, love, or the divine.

If you take on these disciplines for a few weeks, as well as nay other disciplines taht may particularly cut through your unique habits of dullness, then your life will be stripped of routine distraction. All that will be left is the edge you have been avoding by means of your daily routine.

You will have to face the basic discomfort and dissatisfaction that is the hidden texture of your life.

Instead, feel your suffering, rest with it, embrace it, make love with it. Feel your suffering so deeply and thoroughly that you penetrate it, and realise its fearful foundation. Almost everything you do, you do because you are afraid to die. And yet dying is exactly what you are doing, from the moment you are born.

There must be a consequence for freezing in the face of fear.

The most potent forms or masculine realignment involve both austerity and challenge. Go to the middle of the woods by yourself, with only survival necessities. Nothing to read, nothing to do. Fast from food and don’t sleep for as long as possible. Challenge your attention with some practice, like chanting or ritual movement, so that your attention doesn’t drift or become balmy. Open yourself and wait. Do not cover your suffering. Do not quit before you fall through the hole of your fear and emerge with a vision of your true mission, the unique form of your living sacrifice.

Always agree on consequences for not persisting in the challenge.

You should alternate these kinds of cutting through the bullshit gathering with masculine celebrations.

51 Practice dissolving

Like dissolving in the intensity of an orgasm, a man’s greatest desire is to be utterly released.

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