Unconditional love can seem like a worthy goal…
To feel 100% secure in loving connection with a partner. Where your relationship takes on an air of invincibility within a state of absolute exquisite love.
Your experience tells you unconditional love is possible:
- you felt in childhood with your parents,
- you felt it at times during early-stages of romance…
- and in the bliss of orgasmic ecstasy with a partner you feel completely open to.
Yet, what is the essence of un-conditional love?
In a word: Intimacy.
Not just run-of-the-mill intimacy.
When you feel so connected with someone that you absolutely know he or she feels the same way about you.
A level of closeness that brings true romance, comforting security and loving harmony. When it’s reaaaally good, it might feel ‘unconditional’ — because everything feels so well aligned.
Mind, body and spirit.
Yet the conditions of that sense of un-conditional love are not easy to achieve…
A deep sense of respect, support, admiration.
Those are just a few pieces of the puzzle…
And such things depend on openness, honesty, integrity and more.
Or is it possible to unconditionally love a romantic life partner who we do not respect, are not open with, and do not think they are honest with us?
Of course not.
Requiring that your partner loves you ‘unconditionally’ is like demanding a toned ass or a fat bank account without putting in the effort.
But there is a way…
A way forward that brings more of those ecstatic moments of unity represented in the concept of unconditional love.
When you long for that liberating sense of ‘unconditional love’ you are focusing on the ultimate reward that comes from the creation of authentic intimacy.
What Is Authentic Intimacy?
Isn’t just ‘intimacy’ enough? Why the extra push for ‘authentic’?
In today’s culture, intimacy is confused with sexual relationship.
Of course, to be ‘intimate’ is so much more than sex. There are plenty of guys who have sex while experiencing no intimacy at all.
And there are plenty of women who experience various levels of intimacy despite conflicted assumptions about men, fears about heart-break, and confusions about dating — all of which show great distrust within today’s ‘battle of the sexes’.
How do we heal this?
No form found
How can we make authenticity in relationships popular again?
Let’s start by getting down to brass tacks, to the essence of authentic connection with a lover who transcends us into moments of soulful bliss.
At risk of losing some readers, this article needs to turn from ‘just provocative and hopefully inspirational’ to ‘educational’.
Let’s crack open the dictionary and focus on the definition of intimacy based on the words etymology (origins):
intimate (adj.) “closely acquainted, very familiar,” and from Latin intimus “inmost, innermost, deepest”.
intimate (v.) “to make known,” from Latin intimare / intimatus.
So in a nut shell, to be intimate is to deeply know and be known.
The Work Of Authentic Intimacy
Until you deeply know and are known by a partner, experiences of ‘unconditional love’ will be few and far between, no matter how ‘good’ the sex might be for the time being.
The work involved for lasting, romantic, sexual love, with its moments of ecstatic total connection that ‘merges souls’ as ‘two become one’, requires that you focus on nurturing authentic intimacy.
And this takes time. And sometimes pain.
To find a man for lasting romance and loving harmony, only start relationships on the basis of accepting transformation and change.
Recognize the conditions of your own individual journey and adventure in life to know your self at deeper levels. And learn to completely honor and respect the same in your partner(s) — that he or she or they will also grow, change and evolve.
To achieve genuine intimacy, means respecting each other’s differences, preferences, needs and rhythms. This involves all facets of human experience: physical, emotional, spiritual, intellectual, psychological.
The articles title posed a tricky dilemma: “Finding A Man: Unconditional Love Or Authentic Intimacy?”
The way forward by now is hopefully clear…
Unconditional love is a momentary heightened experience made possible by a far more holistic picture of human experience that depends on the conditions of authentic intimacy.
Your experiences with unconditional love depend on the level of open connection that you create with your partner(s) based on the compatibility of your individual journey’s and the degree of intimacy that you share.
To achieve loving harmony through authentic intimacy, shift the focus from demands of ‘unconditional loyalty and acceptance’ to a commitment of ‘open communication and integrity’.
To be integral means to be whole.
Demand that your partner honor their own needs to more fully know and be themselves. To explore their light and their dark. To experiment with their multitude of interests and curiosities. To pursue their bliss and honor their sense of life purpose.
Don’t make relationship about restriction. Make it about creating the space of freedom that each of us needs in order to be true to ourselves.
We are moving into a whole new paradigm of technology and experience. One of my loves said “we’ll soon have sex robots and won’t need other people for sexual gratification”.
Thankfully, romance and intimacy involve far more than just sex.
Love involves a shared journey of adventure and growth between emotionally intimate soulful beings.
It’s time to abandon all of our needy attachment fears.
It’s time to be authentic.
To recognize our differences, our variety of pleasures, tastes, values and goals.
Only then do we achieve authenticity in relationship and a chance for more moments of ecstatic harmony that feels ‘unconditional’ in the moment.
Wishing you infinite romantic bliss during the great global transition to a world full of authentic individuality and soulful connections.
No form found